Sebastian Janikowski and Oakland Raiders Are on Their Way (Satire)

"I was too close" were the words uttered from Oakland Raiders kicker Sebastian Janikowski following his game-ending 32-yard field goal miss against the Arizona Cardinals that would have won the game Sunday.

Janikowski blamed Raiders offensive coordinator Hue Jackson for putting him in such a tight predicament. "He knows I have to be at least 50 yards out to have a chance, and even then I'm not real confident in my abilities," he said.

No one can blame the world's largest Polish sausage for not being confident in his abilities—he is a Raider, after all.

"It's been especially tough on me to play for this much pressure after being drafted in the first round. I mean I'm a kicker. Does Al know that?," Janikowski said of owner Al Davis. "I always wondered why I was drafted so high, but once we took (Darrius) Heyward-Bey with the seventh pick last season I felt a lot better about where I was drafted"

While Janikowski does have a career long of 61 yards, he hasn't been the most accurate kicker, connecting on just over 78 percent of his career attempts.

When asked why he has missed five field goals this season, Janikowski once again noted the pressure he is feeling.

"After we beat the Rams last week I know a lot of Raiders fans booked their hotels in Dallas for February," he said. "We were supposed to be title contenders this season; just ask Raider Nation, they'll tell you. Al should have never let JaMarcus (Russell) go. I told him the two of us would have made a great tandem on the offensive line."

Janikowski seems to be on to something, since the two combined for a weight of nearly 600 pounds.

"Obviously we could use some help on the offensive line, and we drafted JaMarcus with the fall-back plan of putting him at left guard," said Raiders crypt-keeper Al Davis. "But then we spent two mid-round picks on the offensive line this year and Russell became ex...

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