Oakland Raiders Fans Holding Out from Training Camp(Satire)

The Oakland Raiders still could not come to an agreement with their fans today to get them to return this season.

This marks week two of the holdout by all Raiders fans, who are demanding a new contract that guarantees the team will be competitive for at least a month into the season.

The fans have said, if an agreement can't be reached, they want to be traded before the season begins to a competitor like the Colts.

"We want assurances that this team will reward us for our efforts," said a representative of the fans. "For years we have come out to games, dressed in ridiculous leather outfits with crazy helmets and spikes.

"We give 110 percent out there, and are rewarded with crap like Daunte Culpepper as our best quarterback of the last eight years? Unacceptable! We are great fans, and deserve better than these Raiders!"

Team officials said they are trying to come to an agreement with their fan base, and really wants them to attend training camp.

"Just come and see the exciting pieces we've got over the offseason," said owner Al Davis. "We finally got rid of that JaMarcus Russell, and we got that quarterback who wasn't very good in Washington. Just imagine what he can do in a Raiders uniform!

"Let me just read you some names; Michael Bush, Zach Miller, Justin Fargas...If you've never heard of these guys, don't worry, neither have I. But apparently, they were our best offensive players last year. So get excited!"

It's believed the two sides are still far apart on the negotiating points, with the fans once again pointing to the Colts fans as an example.

"Those Colts fans don't know how good they have it!" said the fan's Rep. "They get to sit indoors, they don't even dress up as anything, and they get to go to the AFC title game every year?! Ridiculous! What would they dress up as anyway? A horse?

"We want a deal like that, and if Oakland can't give it ...

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