NBA Science Fiction: The Celtics Are Aliens and the Lakers Are Human

I’m not a science fiction buff, so don’t extrapolate any ideas about my physique or mental stability from this article.

There is one novel every human must read: Orson Scott Card's Ender’s Game.  As a debate mediator (and participator), I’m not supposed to bring in religion, but aside from the Holy Bible, there is no book that so clearly represents life as Ender’s Game.  This work can be used as a metaphor for just about every human concept that exists.

The Lakers and Celtics are no exception.

I will now take the time to issue a spoiler alert, which I know really does not matter since my sports-loving audience won’t ever touch a copy of this geeky book, but on the off chance that you do, here you go.

*Spoiler Alert*

For background purposes, let me indulge in a short brief.  In the distant future, our human progeny survive extinction when they face and defeat the buggers, alien invaders with an uncanny resemblance to ants.  Never to be caught off-guard again, the world unites and forms an international army made up of the smartest children around the world.  These children are trained to command the future soldiers in case of a second invasion by the buggers.

The Celtics are Buggers

In battle school, the children are trained to know the “offense” of the buggers by watching “videotapes” of the first invasion (sound familiar yet)?  The book breaks down a few characteristics of the “bugger offense.”

The buggers are “one mind”

During the first invasion, the buggers give the humans fits because in an instant, the whole army is able to change in one direction, or move in several different directions at the same time.  This is because the buggers are “one mind.”  To put it another way, a single bugger ship can be thought of as the equ...

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