Los Angeles Lakers: Being Ron Artest

If you’ve ever seen the movie Being John Malkovich, you know that it was one wild and crazy ride. If not, you owe it to yourself to buy it, rent it, stream it or download it by any means necessary. 

Without giving too much away, the films’ premise follows John Cusack as he discovers a portal into the head (consciousness?) of famed actor John Malkovich. What ensues is nothing short of bizarre, if not entertaining.

Which brings me to Ron Artest.

In the spirit of the film, ESPN’s own Rick Riley recently spent a day inside the mind of Lakers forward and defensive powerhouse, Ron Artest. And while he didn’t stumble upon a magical portal into Artest’s head, he might as well have. 

The journey was at once head scratching, funny and what impacted me the most—poignant. 

As ever, Ron’s childlike innocence and willingness to do and say anything and everything mostly without a filter is fascinating and hilarious. 

A few excerpts: 

11:42 a.m.: Ron Ron is carrying a large bag of food for his lunch—all vegan. But Ron Ron is not entirely vegan. "About 80 percent," he says. "I like pork chops."

LMAO, seriously. This is classic Ron. 

Not to mention it reminds me of the time I stopped eating pork and red meat for three years. When my father found out, he immediately said to me, “Once the pig is in you, it’s in you for life.” Maybe dad was right—Ron seems to think so.

Said Riley: “Ron Ron has planned three post-basketball careers: Record producer, Boxer and NFL tight end."

"How's he going to do that?" says Ron's coach with the Lakers, Phil Jackson. "He's got a contract with us through 2014!"

Ron Ron is undeterred: "I always follow my plan 100 percent, even if I know I'm going to fail."

Artest Logic. Get used to it.


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